ten billion butterfly sneezes

From The Green Bay Press-Gazette, a slice of life article about a pig who escaped on his (her, actually) way to the butcher.

This article is funny, almost surreal. It turns out that the pig’s owner is a lawyer named Nila Robinson, from Appleton WI. She was transporting three pigs to the butcher, and upon arrival:

She delivered two pigs to a butcher near Appleton but the female pig that remained on the trailer threw a fit.

And then, unaccountably,

“She stood on her hind legs and made an ear-piercing sound,” said Robinson, who said the animal was distressed.

So, instead of than dragging the critter off the truck and leaving it at the butcher’s, the obvious thing to do is stop by Starbuck’s for a venti, double mocha, triple caramel with soy and raspberry coulis latte; Ms. Robinson did exactly that:

But the pig calmed down so Robinson decided to stop at a Starbucks in Appleton to wash her hands and get a latte.

“I would have gone through the drive-thru but the pig was lying down so I figured it was OK,” she said. “When I got back to the truck, the pig was still there.”

Not being a Starbuck’s fanboy, I didn’t realize they had drive-thru service. The pig had obviously calmed remarkably since the ear-piercing sound emissions.

The tale continues:

So Robinson drove to Maplewood Meats on Milltown Road, just off Highway 29 near Green Bay. She made it there but the pig didn’t.

So she calls local law enforcement, whereupon the big guns were brought out:

The pig finally turned up near the intersection of U.S. 41 and West Mason Street at 6 p.m. and was eventually subdued when police officers unsuccessfully employed Tasers and finally tranquilized the animal with darts. Asked what time she thinks the pig escaped, Robinson would only say, “the pig was at large for some time.”

So, the Tasers didn’t faze her.

All’s well that ends well, and the pig spent the night in the local animal shelter; Ms. Robinson picked her up the next day, and offered these words of comfort:

Robinson didn’t plan to discipline the pig when she planned to pick it up and put it back into a trailer.

“There will be modifcations,” she said. “I might have to sit in the back and play gin rummy with her. The pig humiliated me but I don’t hold it against it,” she said, knowing the pig won’t care anyway. “Pigs lack remorse.”

Wow. Read the whole article, while it’s in front of the pay/registration wall.

-k-

The Press-Gazette is soliciting pictures of the pig from their readership. They’ll post them if they get them. I’ll point to them if they show up.

I’m in touch, so you’ll be in touch.