I love the Christmas season; by the church calendar, we’re still in Advent season, a time of preparation  for the Miracle of the Birth of our Lord. Advent has nothing to do with the singing of Silent Night, The First Noel, and  other Christmas carols. Some of the traditional Advent music is almost mournful; believers know how the tale of our Savior unfolds. But that’s not what this post is about.

I have no quarrel with much of the secular side of the season; I’m always tickled to get cards from friends and loved ones, and I can ooh and aah at seasonal lighting displays with the best of ‘em. And when the plates of cookies and candies are brought into the office, I’m up there with both feet in the trough.

There are, however, some customs which grate on me more and more as the years go by; I’ll cite them here, in the order I heard them again this year.

1. Every year, someone sees fit to compute the cost of all the gifts bestowed in the song The Twelve Days of Christmas. The twelve days comprise the 12 days after December 25, but that’s not the point. This year, the tab for those gifts was around $86K, as I recall. Who cares?
2. Next, is the advice on proper etiquette for the office Christmas party. You know, “Don’t grope Heidi from accounting.”, “Don’t dress like a streetwalker.”, “No mistletoe belt buckles.”, “Don’t assume the CEO’s wife is in the least attracted to you.”, and my favorite, “Don’t use office photocopier to take pictures of your ass.”
3. Maybe this one is unique to Northern Virginia, but the last one is “What to do with fruitcake?” This year, they ran fruitcakes through leaf chippers, compressed them with weights, and other nonsense. In years past, the hapless fruitcake has been shot from pumpkin chunkin’ devices, dropped from 20 story buildings, used as shuffleboard pucks, and other things that I fortunately can’t recall. There is excellent fruitcake, and lousy fruitcake, same as everything else. It’s not noteworthy, nor newsworthy, yet our local news radio has some stunt like this yearly.

So with that off my chest, I feel better. Until someone wishes me “Merry Christmanukkawanzaivus”, or whatever the hell it is. If you are so afraid of offending someone, stick with Happy Holidays! I know what I believe,and you’ll get a hearty Back atcha’ from me.

-k-