From Reason Magazine: Your Official Stimulus Request Generator. Try it yourself; no one reads these bills anyhow. You may just cash in.

I tried it, and here’s what I got:

wireless and broadband deployment grant programs

(including transfer of funds to Ken Nelson for the Ken Nelson Personal Economic Stimulus Program)

For necessary and unnecessary expenses related to the Wireless and Broadband Deployment Grant Programs established by section 6002 of division B of this Act, $2,825,000,000, of which $1,000,000,000 shall be for Wireless Deployment Grants and $1,825,000,000 shall be for Broadband Deployment Grants: Provided, That an additional $10,000 shall be paid directly to Ken Nelson in the form of subsidized loans that do not require repayment. Provided Further, That the funds be used by Ken Nelson to acquire a Pony or for whatever. Provided Even Further, That Ken Nelson will receive free NASCAR tickets for life. Provided Even Further Still, That Ken Nelson shall be treated as a cabinet-level appointment for the purpose of income tax reporting, and therefore no taxes shall be paid on any of the aformentioned benefits. And one more thing: Nancy Pelosi is hereby expelled from Congress, effective immediately upon enactment.

Hot damn! Free NASCAR tickets for life. And a pony! I think I’ll head back to the well, and go for the motorhome to transport me to all these races I’ll be attending.

What a country! Thanks, America!

-k-