Right, let’s nationalize!

-k-

It’s amazing how much wisdom is contained in those forward this to 15 friends mail-o-grams that circulate the internets. Consider this one, which makes the Stimulus Spending Porkulus Bill crystal clear:

Shortly after class, an economics student approaches his economics professor and says, “I don’t understand this stimulus bill. Can you explain it to me?”

The professor replied, “I don’t have any time to explain it at my office, but if you come over to my house on Saturday and help me with my weekend project, I’ll be glad to explain it to you.” The student agreed.

At the agreed-upon time, the student showed up at the professor’s house. The professor stated that the weekend project involved his backyard pool.

They both went out back to the pool, and the professor handed the student a bucket. Demonstrating with his own bucket, the professor said, “First, go over to the deep end, and fill your bucket with as much water as you can.” The student did as he was instructed.

The professor then continued, “Follow me over to the shallow end, and then dump all the water from your bucket into it.” The student was naturally confused, but did as he was told.

The professor then explained they were going to do this many more times, and began walking back to the deep end of the pool. The confused student asked, “Excuse me, but why are we doing this?”

The professor matter-of-factly stated that he was trying to make the shallow end much deeper. The student didn’t think the economics professor was serious, but figured that he would find out the real story soon enough.

However, after a 6th trip between the deep end and the shallow end, the student began to become worried that his economics professor had gone mad..

The student finally replied, “All we’re doing is wasting valuable time and effort on unproductive pursuits. Even worse, when this process is all over, everything will be at the same level it was before, so all you’ll really have accomplished is the destruction of what could have been truly productive action!”

The professor put down his bucket and replied with a smile, “Congratulations. You now understand the stimulus bill.”

(The bailout bills are a bit more complicated as nobody knows where the money went)

I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, or not care…

-k-

H/T: Daily Demotivators.

-k-

“When you see that trading is done, not by consent, but by compulsion – when you see that in order to produce, you need to obtain permission from men who produce nothing – when you see that money is flowing to those who deal, not in goods, but in favors – when you see that men get richer by graft and by pull than by work, and your laws don’t protect you against them, but protect them against you – when you see corruption being rewarded and honesty becoming a self-sacrifice – you may know that your society is doomed.”

H/T: Infrequently Asked Questions.

-k-

I think I came across Jacob Grier after he did some guest blogging at The Agitator; I don’t recall specifically, and that’s not important; I read Jacob’s musings daily via my feed reader. He’s a bartender, barista, and freelance writer who has recently relocated from NoVA to Portland OR. Politically, I think he and I read from the same sheet.

And so it was that I read his stimulus post today. He has contacted his representatives with a proposal that makes as much sense as any of the other 1000+ pages in the Stimulus Spending Porkulus Raw Deal Bill that BHO will sign with much fanfare tomorrow. I quote the whole thing; the rest of the post concerns Hard Drinks for Hard Times, a timely item on its own.

Dear [Congressman],

It is my understanding that Congress has set aside $800 billion to help stimulate the economy and is looking for ways to spend it. There are many “shovel-ready” projects like bridges and hospitals competing to receive these funds. These are all great ideas — you can never have enough bridges and hospitals — but they take a long time to get going. I have my own project in mind and I’d like to propose spending some of the stimulus money on it.

I am a bartender and moved to Portland about four months ago, before the economy tanked completely. I’m only working one night a week. I have a lot of experience and creativity though and I’m confident that I could start up a really awesome bar. I have some great locations picked out and am ready to start anytime. The only obstacle is obtaining funding. Since banks are more interested in getting a return on investment than making sacrifices to stimulate the economy, I figure we should work together on this. There are several reasons why opening a bar would be excellent stimulus for the economy.

Bartenders have a big multiplier effect: For stimulus to be effective, we have to be sure that the money is re-injected into the economy and not socked away in savings. Nobody spends money like bartenders. If we work together to open a bar, you can be sure that my employees will spend 100% (or more) of their earnings. Most of that money will be given directly to other bartenders, or maybe strippers, who will also spend it right away, continuing the cycle. I’m confident that my staff would multiply spending far more than people in more responsible professions.

Production is fast: Spirits like whiskey can take years, even decades, to age. My bar will focus entirely on vodka and flavored vodka, which is ready to sell almost immediately after distillation. Our vodka purchases will encourage producers to increase production, buying grains from our nation’s farmers and equipment from our manufacturers. And we’ll be sure to only serve American vodkas, not those from Russia or, even worse, France. (I’m willing to make this a condition of receiving stimulus funds.)

We spill a lot: My bartenders will specialize in flair, juggling bottles in an amazing display of alcoholic dexterity. This requires hours of training and we’re sure to spill a lot vodka and shatter a lot of bottles while we’re practicing, forcing us to buy much more liquor than other bars. This will stimulate the economy even further.

We create positive externalities: Keynes argued that “animal spirits” are an important factor in macroeconomic behavior. By inebriating and entertaining our customers, we will excite their animal spirits and dull their judgment so that they are once again eager to invest. (Obviously my bar alone won’t save the economy, but similar bars could be opened throughout the country. Maybe we could franchise?)

We’ll name a drink after you: Everyone remembers great leaders like General Manhattan, Captain James Daiquiri, and Colonel Sazerac thanks to the cocktails that bear their names. In honor of your leadership during this economic crisis, I would gladly name a drink on our menu after you.

I realize this is an unorthodox proposal, but extreme times call for novel thinking. My bar is shovel-ready. As a sign of my commitment, I’ll even buy the shovel. I look forward to working with you to save the American economy.

Sincerely,

Jacob Grier

To the extent that this does not interfere with my previously requested NASCAR tickets for life and pony, I’m solidly behind this proposal.

-k-

Our feckless Congress is to blame: the Stimulus Spending Porkulus Bill has passed.

It’s incredibly tempting to blame BH Obama for this debacle. Probably, no Congress member has actually read the 1000+ page bill in the 12 or so hours since the Grand Compromise was reached. In their giddiness over their win, the reigning majority of the Legislative Branch have capitulated to the slobberfest surrounding BHO by passing an unread pork laden bill.

This is the same legislative majority, who somehow in spite of having won a couple of years ago, caved to every whim of the administration of a warmonger who became a reluctant socialist. And now, they cave to a socialist, who is, and will be proven to be, a reluctant warmonger.

The solution to this is clear; we need legislators to represent the people. And to make it clear to the Executive Branch, that the EB is to execute the laws duly passed, and nothing more.

I weep for the Republic.

-k-

congress, stimulus, obama