Angry man shoots lawn mower for not starting

And, according the woman who reported the incident, “he was intoxicated”.

Again, perfectly understandable.

-k-

Man found in WI basement covered in BBQ sauce

This guy could be a candidate for Marylander of the year, if he weren’t in Wisconsin. Since this article isn’t from the AP, I’ll liberally quote copy.

A couple telephoned police in the middle of the night after finding a man in their basement covered head to toe in barbecue sauce.

“He told the officers that it was urban camouflage,” said the homeowner. The homeowners say they woke up to whistling sounds.

The husband grabbed his shotgun and headed toward the basement where he found the sauced-up intruder. He held him at gunpoint until police arrived.

The guy told officers he covered himself in barbecue sauce because he wanted to hide from the government. He now faces burglary charges.

No mention of the brand or source of the sauce. I devoutly hope it wasn’t Pigman’s. I’m definitely on board with the hiding from the government part, though.

-k-

Woman accused of setting gas price protest fires

Yep, there ya’ go. Torch up the gas station.

A Danville woman faces arson charges after she allegedly set fires at two gas stations and a coffee house, saying she was protesting high gas prices.

The woman, 64, remained Thursday in a Contra Costa jail on $810,000 bail on suspicion of premeditated arson and burglary.

$810K buys a lot of petrol, even at these prices.

-k-

Race in Heels Trips Man on Workers Comp

Except, evidently, in Hartford CT.

Prosecutors say a video shows a Connecticut correction officer running a 40-yard-dash in women’s clothing and high heels _ at a time he had claimed he was too injured to work.

All this in a sincere, though misguided, effort to win Hannah Montana tickets. Is there nothing so over the top that people won’t do for these tickets?

And, nope, he didn’t win.

-k-
[stags]Goofy[/stags]

Big Rig Overturns; Live Turkeys Dumped
From Bakersfield CA, an incident that brings back WKRP memories.

… a big rig heading westbound on Highway 58 was driving onto the Highway 99 interchange but hit a guardrail and overturned, spilling hundreds of live turkeys onto the road.

Hundreds of turkeys died in the crash while injured turkeys could be seen huddling together.

Too bad about the fowl fatalities, but huddling together beats hitting the ground like a sack of wet cement.

-k-
[stags]Goofy[/stags]

Man Accidentally Shoots Self in Buttocks

From the article:

Leatherman told police that he accidentally dropped the gun while hiding it behind his back and shot himself in the derriere.

Leather-ass, indeed.

Reminds me of my job. Except there, it’s no accident. And while there are asses involved, we manage to find many more targets.

-k-

Ga. Man Tries to Deposit Fake $1M Bill

Every so often, a story like the one above surfaces. Every time, the perpetrator winds up arrested. Somehow, in my old-school, baby boomer mind, the phrase “fake million dollar bill” implies that there’s a real one someplace, which of course is false.

If he’d tried to deposit Monopoly money, would that have led to a forgery charge?

In this case, the charges of disorderly conduct for raising a ruckus in the bank, and forgery for buying smokes with a stolen check, were probably OK.

-k-
[stags]Goofy[/stags]

Wis. Man Upset Over Beer Shoots Goat

A man who was upset with his wife for not buying beer took vengeance by shooting one of the family’s two pet goats, prosecutors say.

Please: a six-letter word, that if used in this case, could have prevented unnecessary harm to farm animals.

-k-
[stags]Goofy[/stags]

S.D. Man Downs 5.5 Ounces of Hot Sauce

This guy needs it. Or will. Or maybe a Popsicle suppository?
-k-
[stags]Goofy[/stags]