I’ve not posted the results of an online quiz in quite a while. I like this one very much.
Still waiting to take this one, which remains to this day the funniest thing I’ve ever encountered on the internets.
-k-
Today’s TWACness
1
Tag Archives: humor
Breakfast at the White House
From my Brown City MI interweb jokester:
Dick Cheney and George W. Bush were having breakfast at the White House. The attractive waitress asks Cheney what he would like, and he replies, “I’d like a bowl of oatmeal and some fruit.”
“And what can I get for you, Mr. President?” George W., looking up from his menu, replies with his trademark wink and a grin, “How about a quickie this morning?’
”Why, Mr. President!“ the waitress exclaims ”How rude! You’re starting to act like Mr. Clinton!“
As the waitress storms away, Cheney leans over to Bush and whispers …”It’s pronounced, ‘Quiche’“.
-k-
[stags]Humor[/stags]
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum
If it takes the entire weekend, my little bride and I will get this tree put up. The challenge is compounded by Shiner’s bottles being brown.
-k-
Thanks to my Brown City MI connection for the pic.
[stags]Humor, Holiday[/stags]
It’s a Dog’s Life
From my Brown City MI connection, inspired words for troubled times:
Handle every situation like a dog.
If you can’t eat it or hump it,
Piss on it and walk away.
-k-
[stags]humor[/stags]
From the tbbs Mailbag, Personnel Files Edition
From time to time, I share some funnies received via interweb mail-o-grams. There’s more than one grain of truth in this one:
HOW TO PROPERLY PLACE NEW EMPLOYEES
Put 400 bricks in a closed room. Put your new hires in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours.
Then analyze the situation:
1. If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department.
2. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing.
3. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering.
4. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning.
5. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations.
6. If they are sleeping, put them in Security.
7. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology.
8. If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources.
9. If they say they have tried different combinations, & they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales.
10. If they have already left for the day, put them in Estimating.
11. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning.
12. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
13. Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard, put them in Congress.
There should have been something about throwing bricks and actually hitting something, but that’s for another time.
-k-
[stags]humor[/stags]
Punchlines #20
The unadorned punchline series continues with two more gems:
“Do you know I haven’t had the flu all winter.”
and
“I said chicken three times.”
-k-
Punchlines #19
This post from James brings to mind this ageless classic punchline:
“Jimmy put his shorts on backwards today. That’s why he couldn’t find it.”
Might be a good idea to do that on the next doctor’s visit. Read James’ post. I’m still giggling.
-k-
Punchlines #18
Via a mail-o-gram from my Brown City MI connection, this jewel:
- The boy turns, and whispers back, “I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.”
-k-
One Dork Short
I’m not a fan of those Bluetooth phone headsets, in spite of working in a place where everyone seems to be sprouting them. Whenever I see one, I ponder whether the person wearing it also has Cat 5 up his ass, but that’s just me. Anyhow, one day last week, I was going out front for a breath of fresh air smoke break, and saw a Bluetooth headset on the lobby floor. I picked it up, gave it to the receptionist, in case someone came looking for it. I told her it could belong to the very next person who didn’t look like a dork. I think my humor was lost on her.
-k-
Punchlines #17
Via Elder Daughter. I had to read the thing 3+ times before it sank in:
Shoulda bought a hat, Shawn, shoulda bought a hat.
A-yup.
-k-