Tag Archives: news

Taser Roundup

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Finally, something a taser is effective in fighting: eight-foot-long albino Burmese pythons. A 47 year old Uniontown PA man was feeding a rat to the reptile, which belongs to his daughter, when it bit his hand and wrapped itself tightly around his left arm. The snake, according to Uniontown police officer Ray Miller, was eating the man’s hand. And then:

In an effort to free the man without permanently harming the snake, Miller said he shot the animal with his Taser, a gun that sends an electric shock through wired darts. The snake immediately went limp and released its grip.

Maybe the smaller the target, the more effective Tasers are. The man who was bitten is OK; all hands safe. And the snake was spared.

And then, in a non-funny Taser incident that makes one shake one’s head, in Jonesboro (GA I think, the link is to an Atlanta TV station), a sixth grader was Tasered by police following a playground incident. According to the article:

School officials confirm that an 11-year-old, 6th grade male was tasered by a school resource officer. They say the boy was physically assaulting a female 6th grader and refused to listen to verbal commands to stop. As a last resort the officer tasered the boy twice – once to get the students separated and a second time when the boy tried to attack the girl again.

Sixth graders? In my day, a visit to the principal’s office, a stern talking-to, an at-school ass whipping, definitely followed by another when the folks found out, would have put the kibosh on such shenanigans. But then ass whippings are cruel.

Times have changed.

-k-

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Steers and Queers

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The Dallas Convention and Visitors Bureau has established a website to extol the Big-D’s virtues as a destination for visitors of the gay and lesbian persuasion.

From the website, emphasis added:

Dallas continues to propel itself forward, now a richly diverse American city with a melting pot of cultures, religions and lifestyles. It has left behind stereotypes of big-haired women and rowdy cowboys — that is, unless you count sassy drag queens and strapping gay rodeo champs.

I didn’t realize Dallas was such a haven. From this article:

“It’s not about being politically correct, it’s about being economically correct,” said Phillip Jones, president and CEO of the tourism bureau. He said gay travelers spend an average of $100 more per day than other travelers and plan four to six trips a year.

The greenness of the money has no gender or gender preferences. A market has developed, and it’s being served. I just thought it queer that Dallas aspires to prominence in it.

-k-

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Only One Poll Matters

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After the NBC Evening News tonight, our local affiliate switched to MSNBC, where Chris “Hardball” Matthews was holding forth with a Democrat mucky-muck, and a Republican mucky-muck. The topic of discussion was current poll numbers. When the USA Today numbers were put on the screen, each mucky-muck took pride in citing at least two other polls showing that their guy was in the lead. This is TV at its worst.

I guess these asshelmets don’t realize that the only poll that matters takes place tomorrow across America, where votes will be accurately tabulated by gazillions of dollars worth of electronic voting machines, all of which are bulletproof in their integrity and accuracy. Yeah, right.

If we really wanted to instill democracy in all the puppet regimes we’ve knocked over, we should send Chris, his talking head buddies, and the Diebolds over there. Then we could have some peace and quiet.

Seriously, here in Virginia, Sen. George Allen and his opponent, James Webb, were getting their lawyers stationed in strategic places around the state, “in case of irregularities.” It makes that purple “I voted” dye look damn attractive. I wonder if voters get the choice of which digit to dip? If so, I know which one I’d choose.

-k-

A Roper!

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I have no clue how I manage to find these stories about livestock on the loose. It’s not some weird Technorati tagging, nor an Atom feed focussing on these things; however, from Newark NJ, a tale of a wayward bull ultimately roped by a manager of the Associated Humane Societies’ Newark office. Denton Infield is the man’s name, and he is originally from South Africa, where rounding up of stray critters is a little more common.

In this case, the 600-pound bull evidently was destined for the slaughterhouse, and either escaped from same, or fell off a truck1 bound for there. In any event, he had a 10 hour2 spree in and around Newark, during which he eluded the best efforts of law enforcement to catch him. Then Infield lassoed him, so that another animal control officer could subdue the bull with a tranquilizer dart.

According to the article:

The bull was corralled less than a mile from Newark Liberty International Airport, about eight miles from New York City.

That’s high-human density for humans, let alone a bull. Finally, before the grills are fired up:

Authorities called in a trailer from Popcorn Park Zoo in Lacey Township, a refuge for abused or unwanted animals that is operated by the Humane Societies. Infield said the bull would be taken there to live out the rest of its life.

Great story; I guess my lamenting the demise of roping was premature.

-k-

1 – Where I hail from, critters don’t “fall off” trucks. But that’s what the article said.
2 – 10 hours!? A long time for a bovine on the streets of Newark.

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Family Friendly

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From Fort Myers Beach FL, the good news that the 4th annual Turkey Testicle Festival can keep its name. This is an annual event, a benefit for the Harry Chapin Food Bank. A couple of city councilmen objected to use of the word “testicle” in the festival’s name, saying that this is a family place, and that the children should be exposed to something more uplifting.

I’m all about trying to help, so I’ll proffer some titles that will make Ft. Myers’ choice look right out of Disney:

  • The Stindeen Saute
  • The Gonad Grill
  • Cojones Casserole
  • The Ball Barbeque

    • My personal favorite harkens back to my days on the Kansas plains, when such affairs were advertised as “Lamb Fries”. The locals knew better, of course, and called it as it was, a Nut Fry.

    -k-

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    Light News day at CNN

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    When this is their “popular opinion poll” question, you know not much is going on:

    Should bumper stickers containing obscenities be legal?

    I think a better question would be “Should bumper stickers containing obscenities be illegal?”, but asking it that way doesn’t attempt to bias the answer as much.

    Oh, and the answers in order, as I see them: “Who cares?”, and “Hell, no”.

    -k-

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    Tasers and Farm Animals, Vol 2

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    I don’t know how this happens, but I’m becoming a magnet for stories involving farm animals, law enforcement, and Tasers. One might opine that I go out of my way to find these tales, but nope, they come to me like the spring rain to the fields. This particular instance involves a cow, and a Colleton County (SC) Sheriff’s deputy.

    The hapless bovine evidently got through a fence near Walterboro SC, and narrowly missed being hit by several cars, whereupon Deputy Jeff Scott received permission to stun the critter, so its owner might slip a rope around the animal’s neck. Unfortunately, after the first jolt:

    The cow lunged forward and fell to the ground but not into a position where the owner could wrangle its neck. The deputy charbroiled the cow again for another five seconds, but the owner still was unable to corral the animal.

    Charbroiled? Gotta love that. And the owner evidently needs some help with his ropin’. And from this inauspicious start, we’re heading downhill in a tailwind:

    By then the Taser prong fell off the cow, and the animal ran off. The report says law enforcement officers spent the next several hours chasing the cow in and out of traffic before giving up.

    Wow. Several hours? And then:

    They received a call later that the cow was running down Furlong Road toward Walterboro. City police spotted the cow but eventually lost it, according to the report.

    The article doesn’t mention whether or not the critter was ever rounded up, but concludes with this observation about Tasers and animals:

    A Taser International spokesman said then that the strangest animals he ever heard of stunned by officers were two moose in the Yukon and an ostrich.

    Tasin’ a moose would take some major league cojones. Moose size being what it is and all, and their poor eyesight leading them to use strength they don’t know they have.

    -k-

    Thanks for Nothing, Congress

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    From this article, emphasis mine:

    The Unlawful Internet Gambling Enforcement Act of 2006 was rammed through Congress by the Republican leadership in the final minutes before the election period recess. According to Sen. Frank R. Lautenberg (D-N.J.), no one on the Senate-House Conference Committee had even seen the final language of the bill. The Act is title VIII of a completely unrelated bill, the Safe Port Act, HR 4954, dealing with port security.

    Is it just me, or is this country swirling around the drain a little faster than it was yesterday? In November, cast out these self-righteous, do-nothing, bumbling incompetent incumbents (pardon my redundancy).

    -k-

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    Here’s to you, Mr. Robinson

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    It looks as though Frank Robinson’s tenure as manager of the Washington Nationals is coming to an end.

    I just hope that if all this is true, that National’s ownership gives him a chance to go out with dignity, and to honor him at one of their few remaining games. Because, to Washingtonians, Frank Robinson is the Washington Nationals.

    -k-

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